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| Final Editing | Rating: 
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| Posted: Tue May 14th, 2013 07:01 pm |
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81st Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 3 The victims may want to travel past all the resistance and the victims may want to find that information concerning those threats in time for them to then be able to avoid being victims. Added comma The victims may want to travel past all the resistance, and the victims may want to find that information concerning those threats in time for them to then be able to avoid being victims.
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| Posted: Tue May 14th, 2013 07:03 pm |
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82nd Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page xi The place of this small act in a large theater was a modern example of a Forum, such as those ancient ruins in Athens Greece. added comma The place of this small act in a large theater was a modern example of a Forum, such as those ancient ruins in Athens, Greece.
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| Posted: Tue May 14th, 2013 08:36 pm |
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83rd Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 3 The victims may want to travel past all the resistance, and the victims may want to find that information concerning those threats in time for them to then be able to avoid being victims. Made less wordy: The victims may want to travel past all resistance, and the victims may want to find that information concerning those threats in time to avoid being victims.
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| Posted: Tue May 14th, 2013 09:50 pm |
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84th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 3 So accurate, informative, useful, productive, defensive information, where the information can empower the victims with the power required to avoid being victims, WILL weaken criminals and raise the costs of doing crime and lower the benefits of doing crime on the criminal-scale of cost over benefit. Modified punctuation, took out "and" So accurate, informative, useful, productive, defensive information (where the information can empower the victims with the power required to avoid being victims) WILL weaken criminals, raise the costs of doing crime, and lower the benefits of doing crime on the criminal-scale of cost over benefit.
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| Posted: Tue May 14th, 2013 09:57 pm |
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85th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 3 So criminals place road blocks in between the information and the victims as the criminals invent, produce, and maintain these costly investments. Criminals are then faced with that very unfortunate consequence of the Law of Diminishing Returns. Each victim connects to powerful information allowing them to avoid being victims, raising the need for the criminals to find more victims, raising the need for the criminals to squeeze more value out of each victim, forcing an ever increasing demand for the criminals to then invent, produce, and maintain even more road blocks that keep the victims in the dark. Modified for readability/punctuation/changed and added words: Therefore, criminals place road blocks in between the information and the victims as the criminals invent, produce, and maintain these costly investments. Criminals are then faced with that very unfortunate consequence of the Law of Diminishing Returns. Each victim connects to powerful information allowing them to avoid being victims, raising the need for the criminals to find more victims, raising the need for the criminals to squeeze more value out of each victim, and thus forcing an ever increasing demand for the criminals to then invent, produce, and maintain even more road blocks that keep the victims in the dark.
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| Posted: Tue May 14th, 2013 11:27 pm |
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86th Post |
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Joe Kelley Administrator
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This looks good to me. Please continue. If you agree to help with the next book, the Novel, I may be much more interested in knowing why the improvements are being made to my efforts in transferring perspectives accurately.
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| Posted: Wed May 15th, 2013 03:15 am |
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87th Post |
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bear Guest
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Joe, my main effort is readability right now. To achieve that goal, I am using punctuation and also making stand alone sentences where possible. I am using punctuation guidelines here: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/566/01/ You are very good at working outside of the margins. I am a rule person. One thing I think to consider with McCarthy's work. If he is writing fiction, he maybe writing with words and concepts that people are very familiar with. I think Joe Quotes covers topics that are outside the realm of those who are fooled, as I was and still am, by Abject Believe in Falsehood. So, to me it seems very important that the book be easily readable so that the concepts you have so carefully set on paper are understood by the reader. Then again, I am not the sharpest pencil in the box. So sentences that I may think are difficult may be easy as pie to someone else. I don't know. You will see I left you an email asking for further help so that I can know better.
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| Posted: Wed May 15th, 2013 03:18 am |
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88th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 3 Books, like the Bible, connected The Word with people who were powerful enough to read The Word, so criminals had to invent ways to censor The Word, or their criminal way of life would run out of victims rapidly, and their way of life would be starved out for the remaining number of criminals as the cost of living for criminals increases beyond a sustainable level, and as the benefits for crime dry up along with the diminishing supply of ready victims. When the victims know better they choose not to be victims. Broke into more sentences and added Italics: Books, like The Bible, connected The Word with people who were powerful enough to read The Word. So criminals had to invent ways to censor The Word, or their criminal way of life would run out of victims rapidly. And their way of life would be starved out for the remaining number of criminals as the cost of living for criminals increases beyond a sustainable level, and as the benefits for crime dry up along with the diminishing supply of ready victims. When the victims know better they choose not to be victims.
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| Posted: Wed May 15th, 2013 03:26 am |
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89th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 3/4 History books written by Inquisition Victors, Pogrom Victors, Crusade Victors, and other Winners of massive expenditures of POWER called wars, aimed at massive torture and massive slaughter, throughout history have produced “common knowledge” (counterfeit) among the recent past generations and current generations of mankind. Moved comma from after "slaughter" to after "history": History books written by Inquisition Victors, Pogrom Victors, Crusade Victors, and other Winners of massive expenditures of POWER called wars, aimed at massive torture and massive slaughter throughout history, have produced “common knowledge” (counterfeit) among the recent past generations and current generations of mankind.
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| Posted: Wed May 15th, 2013 03:38 am |
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90th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 3/4 A person capable of reading The Bible, The Word, may be powerful enough to accurately discriminate the difference between information that benefits the criminals and information that benefits the victims including the true meaning of such things as The Inquisition, The Crusades, and World War II. Added italics, comma, and colon: A person capable of reading The Bible, The Word, may be powerful enough to accurately discriminate the difference between information that benefits the criminals and information that benefits the victims, including the true meaning of such things as: The Inquisition, The Crusades, and World War II.
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| Posted: Wed May 15th, 2013 03:55 am |
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91st Post |
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bear Guest
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5/14/13 page 4 Common Sense, 1776, Thomas Paine, 46 Pages: added Italics: Common Sense, 1776, Thomas Paine, 46 Pages:
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| Posted: Wed May 15th, 2013 04:22 pm |
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92nd Post |
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Joe Kelley Administrator
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Looks good to me. I sent an e-mail reply too.
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| Posted: Thu May 16th, 2013 03:11 am |
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93rd Post |
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bear Guest
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5/15/13 page 4/5 What if a few people, or just two people, manage to combine their disconnected studies of divergent information, one being a spiritual education and the other being a political economy education, and it becomes obvious, at least to these two individuals, that government does not have to be evil at all; and therefore this information if it is true, can empower the current victims and the potential victims, with the defensive power that can enable honest productive people to be able to afford life on Earth for a little while longer, if not for eternity? Bypassing deceit, threats of violence, and violence made legal is the path of least resistance to the truth. Modified punctuation and added bold for readability/emphasis: What if a few people (or just two people) manage to combine their disconnected studies of divergent information (one being a spiritual education and the other being a political economy education), and it becomes obvious (at least to these two individuals) that government does not have to be evil at all; and therefore, this information if it is true, can empower the current victims and the potential victim with the defensive power that can enable honest productive people to be able to afford life on Earth for a little while longer, if not for eternity? Bypassing deceit, threats of violence, and violence made legal is the path of least resistance to the truth.
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| Posted: Thu May 16th, 2013 03:17 am |
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94th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/15/13 page 5 How much does one person give up in the effort to transfer vital questions and accurate answers to fellow Friends of Liberty and is the cost benefit analysis profitable for that individual? added comma: How much does one person give up in the effort to transfer vital questions and accurate answers to fellow Friends of Liberty, and is the cost benefit analysis profitable for that individual?
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| Posted: Thu May 16th, 2013 02:39 pm |
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95th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/16/13 page 7 "Why did your conversation end so soon with Person A? Because he had “respectful,” and yes he did use that word, disagreements? Maybe he just didn’t understand yet and needed to talk more. Didn’t you like talking to him?" Corrected punctuation by removing quotes within quotes and changing the subquotes to single quotes: "Why did your conversation end so soon with Person A? Because he had ‘respectful,’ and yes he did use ‘that’ word, disagreements? Maybe he just didn’t understand yet and needed to talk more. Didn’t you like talking to him?"
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| Posted: Thu May 16th, 2013 03:32 pm |
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96th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/16/13 page 7 Person A laid it out, it seems to me, without reservation, which is a whole lot more than many people do, and so I am grateful for such generosity of spirit, that is The Spirit of Liberty, it seems to me. Broke into 2 sentences: Person A laid it out, it seems to me, without reservation, which is a whole lot more than many people do, and so I am grateful for such generosity of spirit. That is The Spirit of Liberty, it seems to me.
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| Posted: Thu May 16th, 2013 03:37 pm |
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97th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/16/13 page 7 Can language become deceptive or do people use tools to reach the goal of deception? Added comma: Can language become deceptive, or do people use tools to reach the goal of deception?
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| Posted: Thu May 16th, 2013 03:49 pm |
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98th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/16/13 page 7 How about an exemplary sentence, to be measured for deception? Authority of Man upon Man is a lie, so why believe it? Is that sentence deceptive? Does that sentence confess my goal of seeking deception? It is, as in is, a question. Removed comma and joined paragraphs and added emphasis How about an exemplary sentence, to be measured for deception: Authority of Man upon Man is a lie, so why believe it? Is that sentence deceptive? Does that sentence confess my goal of seeking deception? It is, as in "is," a question.
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| Posted: Thu May 16th, 2013 11:11 pm |
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99th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/16/13 page 8 Gold bugs? What is the meaning of that? Gold is fine, very good, but very expensive money when adding up the costs associated with crime prevention. As it may not be a good idea to carry around pockets full of Gold in crime infested waters, advertising the fact: “Hey, look here, I'm ripe for the plucking…” having and holding large amounts of very launderable money. Took out word "As" and changed quote end place and changed colon to comma: Gold bugs? What is the meaning of that? Gold is fine, very good, but very expensive money when adding up the costs associated with crime prevention. It may not be a good idea to carry around pockets full of Gold in crime infested waters, advertising the fact, “Hey, look here, I'm ripe for the plucking...having and holding large amounts of very launderable money.”
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| Posted: Fri May 17th, 2013 03:15 am |
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100th Post |
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bear Guest
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5/16/13 page 8 JOE, I NEED HELP HERE: NOT SURE WHO IS DOING THE SPEAKING IN QUOTED TEXT, OR ARE THE QUOTES SIGNIFYING SARCASM? “Really bad things, those paper dollars, bad, bad, evil, evil, paper, the scourge of the earth, that paper, that, that, worthless, worthless paper?”
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